Besties! And the Resties...

My family and I live in a Bible college community.  Every year some of the families move out - some move closer in to college, others finish their degrees and head out into their ministry "careers".  It's always sad to see a good friend go, and then exciting to see who will move in next.  Normally  I get quite stressed about meeting and befriending our new neighbours (I still see myself as I did in high school - a bit awkward and not particularly well-liked), but I'm glad to say that I've calmed down a bit this year.  I haven't been rushing off to introduce myself to our new neighbours in case someone else gets in first and they decide that I don't measure up (oh, the positive self-talk...).  Instead I've been taking things a little more slowly and trying to take advantage of opportunities to spend time with our new neighbours and get to know them better.  It's been good!  I am starting wonder how I can keep up with all these new friends, as well as all the other things that are going on in our week - *happy sigh*.

This has also got me thinking about a comment that I heard about friendship and exclusive language, from Ray Galea, during an Equip Ministry Wives question time, .  It went something along the lines of him never referring to anyone except for his wife as his 'best friend', otherwise it can make other people feel like they are excluded, bracketed off into an inferior class of friendship.  I don't know if you've thought about this before, but I've definitely felt the sting of it previously.  I can clearly recall spending time with a friend when they have referred to, "My best friend Taloulah..." It's not that they were trying to put me in my place, or establish a hierarchy of friendship, but (especially to one as sensitive as my insecure little heart) it can kind of feel like that.  It's something that I've tried to take on board, especially when developing new relationships.

This is not to say that we shouldn't have any especially close friendships, after all, as Proverbs 18:24 says, "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." But perhaps we should be mindful of the way that we refer to them amongst other friends.  Let me tell you about the oldest friend of mine that I'm still in contact with.  My friend that "sticks closer than a brother".  Our friendship was born at the tender age of 13 when we were our local youth group rejects - well, I really shouldn't speak on behalf of my friend on that count, but I know that I definitely didn't feel as hip or cool as the other kids.  I think this kind of genesis was the "Mount Doom" of friendship forging - seemingly indestructible.  Plenty of other new and wonderful close friends have come along but today she is still one of my dearest friends and I miss her very much (she currently lives in another state).  I hope and pray that this friendship will continue life-long.  

The BBC News estimates that we can handle between about 6-12 close friends in our lives.  Aristotle says that we are not truly friends until we have "eaten salt together", or spent enough time to be able to call ourselves friends.  I'm not sure how this number is going to work out for me, but whilst in ministry, and especially while we're living in a Bible college community, I'm going to try not to put up too many barriers to creating new and hopefully some deep, friendships.

Photo is by ol'pete on Flickr.

Children are for Sharing

Life can be pretty fun with small children, and after the week that I've had, also extremely frustrating and tiring, but on the whole Fun.  Their little voices are just so cute  as they giggle and play and snuggle up to read a book (or eat one, depending on their age and stage).  I've become increasingly convinced, however, that children are also for sharing.

We get told that we are a 'global village', but I think the every day reality as you walk down the street, especially in a big city, is one of individualism and busyness.  We can retreat into our own little worlds and struggle to connect with others, especially people we've never met before.  Children, however, can burn through all of that like a laser beam.  I now really try to take the time, whilst counselling Hannah to "Sit down... Stay where Mummy can see you... Put that back on the shelf - you can look, but don't touch," to see who is watching my kids and, if appropriate, take the opportunity to have a chat with them.  There's nothing like a 2 year old "changing bug's (a toy we take in the pram) nappy" in the waiting room, while your waiting to see a GP to connect with those around you and brighten their day.  It's such a natural way to strike up conversations as people start by asking their ages, and then keep on chatting.  I've been amazed at some of the more personal things people have told me, because being friendly and having kids with me seems to mark me out as someone trustworthy.  And the kids, aside from bringing smiles and giggles to those around them, can have a ministry all of their own.  One that sometimes I can learn from.

I remember my brother and sister-in-law telling me that their oldest son came home from school one day and declared that during lunch he had told his friend Jimmy that "he was going to go to hell because he didn't believe in Jesus."  While I wouldn't generally recommend that as an evangelism method, it certainly is direct!  One of my other favourite stories comes from an email that was circulating a few years ago.  Some of the details may be a bit off, but the gist is that a mother was busy working in her kitchen when she looked out the window and saw her 3 year old son sitting out on the porch of their next door neighbour's house, snuggled up on the elderly gent's lap.  She hoped that he wasn't being too annoying, because the old man had just lost his wife of fifty years.  Eventually the boy hopped down and came back home.  His Mum asked him what he had been doing next door and the little boy said, "Mr Jones is very sad, so I was helping him cry."

I hope that I can be so free to rejoice with others when they rejoice, and mourn with them when they mourn.

WAY More Flies with Vinegar!

We've been having a fruit fly problem in our kitchen recently.  It was driving me crazy.  Every time I went to the sink or reached for a sponge and small black cloud of fruit fly would alight and disperse around the kitchen, flying in their frustratingly unpredictable patterns.  They were also having a field day in our fruit bowl, laying their nasty little eggs in the fruit that was supposed to make us fit and healthy. 


 Initially I went for the swiping hand-clap technique of killing them, however it soon became evident that that just wasn't going to work. After a small amount of googling, out came the now tried and tested vinegar trap.  Basically, you put some vinegar in a bowl, cover it with cling wrap and then poke some holes in it with a skewer.  The flies smell the fermenting bouquet of eau de vinegar, crawl in through the tiny holes and then find that they can't get out again.  Simple. Easy. Smelly.


But I thought you were supposed to "catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar"?  Apparently not.  All this got me thinking about the nature of the gospel.  More specifically it really reminded me of the truth of 2 Corinthians 2:15-17 which says, “ For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life. And who is equal to such a task? Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God."  


I think a lot of times, when we really understand the seemingly abrasive nature of the gospel and it's call that none of us are good enough to please God, but that we have all fallen short of his glory and must rely entirely on Jesus' death on our behalf to be made right with God, we can seek to soften this when we share it with people. We can seek to sweeten it up by not explaining the starkness of our state before God if we choose to rule our own lives, or to downplay the hardships of the Christian life by laying on the honey that "if you follow Jesus then your life will be problem free".


In our society, where appearance is everything, as Christians, we are to resist the urge to sweeten the gospel truth.  Yes, we are to come before God with nothing and continually rely on Him to do everything to save us.  Yes, the Christian life will be hard and we should expect to be persecuted for following Christ.  But also, we are called to preach a true gospel.  A gospel in which we are counted to be co-heirs with Christ, given every spiritual blessing and saved eternally.  It's a message that is caustic to the rest of the world, but to those that catch it's scent, it is the sweetness of Life itself.

Photo by MightyBoyBrian on Flickr